If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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