what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
