True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
