On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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