Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
