did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
