If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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