She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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