You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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