Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
