So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
