He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
