What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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