Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
