I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's always time for handjobs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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