i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
