That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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