Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
