Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
