who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
