Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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