better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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