Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
