omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We have so much sex to catch up on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
