tell your sister to shave her snatch
that's an acceptable place to lick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
