Quick, to the slutcave!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
