I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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