I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
