I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
