I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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