If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
