Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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