I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
