If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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