You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize