Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
