we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
