just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
