Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
