Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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