saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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