Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
