When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
