he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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