You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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