I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
