If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we made out on top of his cat.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
