5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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