Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
