Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
