I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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