I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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