I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
