I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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