imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
