So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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