The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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