I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
