i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize