YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
