On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
