just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
