So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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