You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
