I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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