lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
