she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
