Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
