The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
