It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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