just come out here and I will go home with you...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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