Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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