Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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