Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
