I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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