he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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